Many parents will have differing opinions about whether they would leave their young children at home and head off on a holiday without them. Some wouldn’t even entertain the idea – horrified at the thought of holidays without kids. Others, like myself, don’t see anything wrong with it. But there is an unwavering consensus from those in the latter camp, and that is one of an overriding sense of guilt, particularly from mums.
Over the years, I’ve been away from Monkey on many occasions and usually by myself. At first, I did feel the pang of mum guilt, but my mind was always at rest knowing he was with his dad – and that hasn’t changed, even now with Peanut. Out of necessity, many parents have to go away for their jobs, but I can imagine that for some, this doesn’t alleviate the sense of self-reproach that they are not at home or near their little ones.
The trip that nearly didn’t happen
I recall some years ago, I had booked a surprise trip to Las Vegas for my husband’s birthday. It had been arranged for many months, and Monkey would be staying with his grandparents. Three days before we were due to fly, we were horrified to find red spots on Monkey’s back and within a night, he had full blown chicken pox. He was miserable, poorly and itchy, and my mothering instinct to nurture and care for him went into overdrive. I was so close to cancelling the trip, losing a lot of money and effectively kiboshing my husband’s 40th birthday celebrations. But after a stern word from my mum, who had to reassure me over and over again that Monkey would be well looked after, and that we should go regardless, we went ahead and flew to America.
As I hoped, we had the most amazing time, but throughout our trip, I had a nagging feeling of worry and guilt – that as a mum, I left my son when he needed me the most, guilt that I had saddled my generous mother with a needy and unwell grandson.
On our return, we went to collect him. By this time, the chicken pox had subsided, and he was on the mend. He was playing happily when we arrived and was pleased to see us. Apart from a weary grandmother, who we couldn’t thank enough, there seemed to be no ill effects from our departure. And even though this was the case, I still spent the next few days observing and trying to ascertain if my absence had damaged him in any way.
Realising that all was well with our little boy, I then felt I was allowed to revel in our fabulous break in Sin City, although even now, I still feel a little remorseful about leaving him behind when he had chicken pox.
Why holidays without kids are nothing to feel guilty about
Over the past few years, I’ve travelled to Tenerife on my own and headed back to Las Vegas with friends – both times without the children (or the other half). You’d think I should have felt doubly guilty about leaving both my boys behind, but the years have taught me that there really is no need for self-punishment. It doesn’t do anything for you or for them. I’ve also learned that having a break away from your children and taking holidays without kids is okay – and here’s why…
You are allowed some ‘me’ time
Women really do put too much pressure on themselves to be all-rounders – and social media can take some of the blame. We are constantly bombarded with beautiful images that can add an unnerving pressure to our already busy lives. Throw into the mix busy jobs, demanding children, stress can be an unwelcome guest that can stealthily move in and take its toll before you’ve even realised it’s there. There’s much to be said about taking some time for yourself.
A break can give you that much-deserved respite from the strains of motherhood and everyday life; a rest will restore your well-being both mentally and physically. And this will only benefit everyone else on your return!
You will miss them, and they will miss you (for about 15 minutes…) – but the reunion will be wonderful
And let’s face it, if you’re anything like me, you will miss them terribly, and I constantly scroll through my endless photos and watch videos of them on my phone while I am away. But that’s a good thing – absence really does make the heart grow fonder. And unless they’re much older, they really don’t remember you being away from them for a few days. Plus, when you are finally reunited, it’s so lovely to shower them with hugs and kisses – and hear all their news. It also makes you realise how lucky you are to have a loving family when you get home.
It will strengthen your relationship
If you go away with your partner, having some ‘alone time’ is precious. When kids come along, your relationship can be put on the back burner, especially in those early years. So embrace it – and rediscover your mojo and those carefree days where you’d belly laugh at each other and be able to be spontaneous.
You’ll be appreciated in your absence
Hats off to my husband. When I do go away, he really steps up to the plate and never complains. I am extremely lucky. But after a long period of absence, it becomes a lot clearer to the other half how much I actually do around the house, how much I organise, cook and clean. So it’s always lovely to be told when you come back how much you are appreciated. It does wonders for the soul that your hard work hasn’t gone unnoticed.
It will be an exciting adventure for the kids, too
If you’re both going away, you’re not going to leave your kids with just ‘anyone’. More often or not, it will be a family member or close friend. It will be exciting for the children, too, and an opportunity for them to experience the fun of spending time away from you. The kids always have a blast at their grandparents’ because let’s face it, they get spoiled rotten. And later this year, we’ve arranged for Monkey to spend it with his best pal from school. He’s already excited about having a four-day sleepover!
And you can let your hair down!
Being away from the kids means you only have to be responsible for yourself in the short term! Do you want another margarita cocktail? Why not. Want to dance until 3 am? Yaas! Because you don’t have to get up in the morning to look after any tiny tots. And that’s the beauty of going away – you can be on your own schedule. And there’s something quite liberating – and peaceful – about that, too. It’s always therapeutic to be able to let loose once in a while. And you shouldn’t feel guilty about wanting to, either. Being a parent doesn’t mean the fun police have to be on duty constantly.
Frequently asked questions about holidays without kids
Is it OK to go on holiday without your kids?
Yes – and most child development experts agree. A short break gives parents time to recharge, and children benefit from spending time with other trusted carers like grandparents or close family friends. You’ll come back refreshed, and they’ll barely notice you were gone.
At what age can you leave children while you go on holiday?
There’s no set legal age in the UK, but most parents feel comfortable leaving toddlers and older children with a trusted family member for a few nights. It depends on your child, your childcare setup, and how long you’ll be away. Start with a short break if it’s your first time.
How do I stop feeling guilty about going away without the kids?
Remind yourself that taking time for yourself makes you a better parent – not a worse one. Make sure your children are with someone they love and trust, stay in touch while you’re away, and give yourself permission to enjoy it. The guilt fades with experience, I promise.
What are the best destinations for holidays without kids?
Anywhere that lets you switch off. City breaks work well for short getaways – think a long weekend in Paris, Rome or Seville. For something more indulgent, a villa in Tuscany or a beach resort gives you the space to fully unwind.
Have you taken holidays without kids – or are you still wrestling with the guilt? I’d love to hear your experiences.
This is so timely as I’ve just spent a weekend away (admittedly only at a hotel an hour away!) but on Sunday morning I really had to sternly tell myself that it was ok for me to enjoy the sunshine and the facilities I had paid good money for and not race home at he crack of dawn!!
Oh I do hope you had a good time though and glad you had a word with yourself!
We started doing this once a year and leaving my kids with my mom (who lives with us) and having my sister help. We pay a portion of money so my mom can go on a nice trip (without any of us) and when she gets back and is refreshed is when we go on ours 🙂 My sister has similar aged kiddos so we kind of rotate and help all out. This gives us a chance to go out of country and do a 7-10 day trip. Mom guilt is def. real, but I am so much less stressed and relaxed on a trip when I don’t have the littles around. Refreshing for sure.
What a great idea! It works for everyone right? I don’t think my parents would let us go away for that long yet – but then perhaps when the kids are a lot older!
There’s no reason to feel guilty about taking time for yourself, especially when you had a wonderful carer for Monkey.
So so true! I used to feel guilty too until recently when I realized I need to take care of ME as well. When my older son went to college, I also realized (#2 of my realizations) that they will have a life of their own that excludes you (as the parent), and it’s time for you to build a life of your own.
Thanks for this post!
Ah thanks Boots – we all deserve a break right?!
It took me a while to feel happy doing this – one night away at a hotel half a hour away for our 10th wedding anniversary when she was 1 and another anniversary step years ago is still the sum! I have had a few trips away when my husband stays at home though and I wouldn’t feel guilty about that at all.
Loved this. I have felt guilty in the past, but it is absolutely necessary to recharge your batteries from time to time.. We are moving much closer to my family soon and my Mum has already offered to have the kids so I can go with Mr R on his business trips. I am not going to say no to that! 😀
I’m totally all for this! Although that may be because I’ve never had the opportunity to do this. Living in India meant there was no one except my husband to look after the kids if I went away, and he had to work. And now we’re all travelling Africa altogether. However, we do try and make sure that each parent gets some ‘me time’ on this trip, even if it’s just for an hour at a time. I believe, like you, it creates balance and appreciation. Otherwise I would go crazy 😉 One day I’ll get that Las Vegas trip! Whoop!
I can so relate to the guilty feeling Ting but I also 100% agree with you for the reasons to take child free breaks. I’m taking my youngest son away for a week on Sunday, just the two of us and I’m already feeling guilty knowing that he will miss his big brother and Daddy considerably. Although I know it will be lovely to spend some quality time with him before he starts big boy school in September.
It’s really tricky isn’t it. D and I cancelled our getaway for my 40th, because our son was wheezy – he’d been admitted to hospital a few weeks before, and it was all very dramatic, so we were spooked when he began wheezing again. I still don’t know whether or not we did the right thing. I know I’d have been in bits if he’d been admitted back into hospital while we were in Amsterdam, but he was ok in the end. Your post is great, though. We all need to look after ourselves and put ourselves first at times.
Hell yes to all of this! I feel so refreshed after a bit of me time and a happy mummy has to be good for everyone, right?!
Great post, I’ve never felt guilty, although I do feel guilty for not feeling guilty sometimes and I struggle to disentangle myself! I don’t call home when I travel solo either, and neither does my OH, just texts to say we’re ok. It’s important I think to have time as just YOU! Although saying that, it is all fine as long as all is fine back home!
Thanks for this reminder! *runs to book a trip*
I totally agree with this Ting its so important to get that balance and couple time and it makes the kids appreciate you all the more, sometimes you just need a little break x
All so true, I totally agree. We have only ever managed one night away from the kids together (more when we each travel independently) but it is always just so amazing to escape for a little while – and the kids love it too!
I couldn’t agree with this more! My husband and I have only ever been away for one night on our own since we had our girls – we just don’t have anyone to look after them as we have no family nearby. I had my first solo trip without my kids or my husband in Autumn last year – only for three days (plus a day of travel each side) and I loved every second of it. I missed them terribly of course but I didn’t let it get in the way of what I was there to do – have fun, learn lots and rediscover a bit of the ‘me’ I’ve lost over the years. My husband is off to Vegas with a mate for his fortieth later this year for 8 days too. I think it’s good for everyone.
You are so right . We have actually not been away as a couple since we had number three, I find it a big ask to have anyone look after three little ones for any length of time .. I know our time will come though. And when we have take solo trips where we have travelled independently it has been a breath of fresh air and does everyone the world of good!
I 100% agree! A bit of time away does everyone good. Like you I felt really guilty the first time but then it gets easier and it’s absolutely and adventure for the kids too!
I go away without my family and it’s time I really appreciate. I have always found that when we do this, we all appreciate each other a little more and our batteries are recharged in a different way.
Thanks for this post and to the commenters! I surprisingly find this one of the hardest things about being a mum of a 2 year old. I think if you have supportive parents to look after your child it helps. Unfortunately, some of us have to ignore those comments from others trying to guilt us. It doesn’t seem to have been a normal thing for our mums to go on holidays/breaks/work trips so they get quite angry that we want to be away from our children! I was recently annoyed with myself for judging (silently) a mum friend who was working abroad for 12 weeks.
I am very lucky to have supportive parents who don’t live too far away. For the most part I think most other mums are quite up for some time away from the kids – but there is always that guilty feeling for sure. And dare I say jealousy? Some people who protest too much and can’t get a break may subconsciously envious? That’s only one thought. But I definitely miss them terribly when I am away from them!